COPING WITH THE VIOLENT

DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

The process of recovering from the loss of a loved one from murder is long and difficult, and is never fully completed.  Our lives are altered forever.  In our support group we help one another through the immediate encounter with grief, help to understand the Criminal Justice System, and learn to cope with our "surviving" lives.

- The loss of a life because of violence is something our hearts and minds find hard to accept.  We offer comfort and support.  We understand the disbelief, the pain, the different stages of grief, the fear, and the feelings of isolation.

-  It can take years to adjust after the death of a family member due to violence.  Many people don't realize this unless they have personally experienced it. 

-  The worst time is not right after the tragic event occurs, for you are in shock, it is usually 3-6 months after the event.  This is about the time many people expect you to be "getting over" your loss.  (Something we never "get over").

-  It helps to talk to others who have had a similar loss.  When they say "I know how you feel", you know they truly do know as they have been there.  They are there for you.  You are no longer alone.

• It's all right to cry, lament, be angry, question.  All of these feelings are appropriate, and each may be experienced at different times, and in different ways by each survivor.  There is no one set way to cope or to feel.
• You are new at being a survivor.  You may not know how to act or what to do.  You may not know if how you are feeling is "normal".  Seek help.  We, among others, are here for you.

 Mysteriously, your faith in yourself, in others, in your God, can deepen through crisis.  Seek out persons who can serve as symbols of hope for you.

SUGGESTED READING

"No Time For Good-Byes" 

   by Janice Harris Lord

"When Bad Things Happen To Good People"

   by Harold S. Kushner

"Don't Take My Grief Away"

   by Doug Manning

FOR CHILDREN

"A Child's View Of Grief"

   by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D